I was doing the laundry at 3 a.m. in accordance with my requirement, which is a low job that is also POWER.
KISS KISS, BELETH.
I had originally wanted to be in medicine. My high school performance of trigonometry caused me to believe that it was impossible. This was in the days before calculators. I have recently assayed the world of math to find trigonometry a breeze. You punch the figures into a little gizmo and out comes an answer that your teacher approves of, and KAZAAM! Math. It’s not the same math we had, which was full of sweating and erasers.
They don’t do the funny things we had to do with charts to get at a problem, and the thing about trig is, it is halfway between algebra, which is the conceptualization of sums, and calculus, which is the mathematical expression of motion. It is angles that might have a reality in motion and sums but not completely, and are very much in the world of physical stuff, like cranes, sails, trucks, and other things that men would comprehend. If they had presented trigonometry in the form of cake decorating or theatre set building, I would have comprehended it, or been able to psychically access the world of women and their trigonometry. This is much of what we are on about in KRAMPUS.
Now that I have sailing, I have my trigonometry.
I had another go at it late in life, after my father died. At the funeral, my sister and I looked at each other and said, They killed him, didn’t they? Well, yeah, but I’m not going to do anything about it. My father was an astrologer and a Mason WEIRD PERSON WITH MANY KAVVALAHS and I posited that if I could study medicine, I could go back in time and save my father’s life, because it was not tended properly in medicine. It is how you deal with grief that is where we are in why not study science? I was in a relationship where the other person had so much money that the six months when I worked 15 hours a week and had a bi-monthly paycheck of $21 did not phaze either of us. I had a job that was kind of in the arts. That was what was important. So the study of science was an interesting non-starter that eventually turned into the career that it could have been had I not been soberly and psychically inebriated in the presence of so much astral sorcery and wingnuts who didn’t really respect the Goetia. It doesn’t work and you are a mean girl.
Who likes to go out to eat.
THE CHICKEN KABBALAH, being dealt with here by PAIMON. Let us recall that the symbol of the Hebrew letter Gamma is the camel — “gimel” — placed between Kether and Tiphareth, attributed to Luna and the High Priestess, and the first Path crossing the Abyss that Rosicrucians deal with. Situated on The Middle Pillar of consciousness, it is the ultimate cool DAMIEN of domination. When PAIMON finally comes in astride his camel, the sorcerer is transformed into a person who is no longer themselves. I keep saying, Everything is completely different.
And you have a lot to say.
I studied science in a desultory way, hoping for a career in some kind of chemistry field, and had I continued, I could have made money as a chemistry tutor, but this was the point in middle age when everything falls apart, my mother was dying, my home life was exploding, and nothing could cohere about a move into science. It was all worked.
Coming into health care from housekeeping has been a gift, and I have plans for further education, certifications, upward mobility in my work, and just being a science person here at the end of the work life. Some artists need to be at the fringes of art and have another thing. It is tiring to be all about business.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I had been researching Paimon, who is also considered a Hebrew demon with the name POMN, the tinkling of a bell. Recall, it is very much the Christians who use these things in their Church, and the noise they make is WOW. I have personally witnessed DAMIENS forming up from bells in church — and I do need to go to high church to heal these beings. They have much WORLD of them.
PAIMON has reported that after several incarnations as a Christian Angel, a bird can no longer keep himself from basking in the sumptuous energy structures of Christianity and not really helping the humans get real about the dirty work of the religion which is fixing the problems in the afterlife. That is why RAM ended up with THE GODS. No doubt the ancient sorcerers knew this about shamanism and built a structure into the religion itself wherein CHRIST goes to hell before he goes to heaven. Pray for the dead. The bird associated with PAIMON — a pigeon who worked with the great Catholic Church of the men of the world, the one near Grand Central Station — noticed that he was becoming corrupt and took a GIANT risk in entering the work of a Goetia magician, especially after he had been making noises about wanting to enter the hip high world of ATR. The demon PAIMON is very hard, the AIR world struck, the usual suspects at twilight mass at THE SAME CHURCH ALL THE TIME could not assist, I left New York in a flurry of OUCH, and my entire world could not protect him.
PAIMON warned the pigeon that it was not going to be COWS. Some magicks are only possible when physical wealth is involved. The OWLS can work in poor worlds — and we do require muscle work — when an ancestor is involved. The JEWISH power knew this and threw me down. This is perhaps also why I keep “seeing” the Anabaptists, no doubt ancestors to some of my friends from the mid-Atlantic and others I have connected with over the years. I am always running into them.
PAIMON reports that the animal died. DARMOK AND JALAD AT TANAGRA.
For his part, the pigeon reports that Graeco-Egyptian magick gave him more lushness. In some ways, it was built by and for his species. Before modern communication devices, people relied on the capacity of pigeons to fly back to their homes. They were kept in aviaries and when someone wanted to give another party a reliable means of sending a message, they would bring one of their pigeons in a cage. This bird would be kept until a message needed to be sent, then the message would be placed in a small container around the bird’s leg, and, if the bird made it home despite the many predators and obstacles, that message would reach the recipient. No doubt many of these messages were magical in nature, and thus the birds became part of the magick of messages. They became a Mercury species. After death, evidently, the pigeons would enter the rubric of the magick and become AIRY SPIRITS.
A pigeon still had to attend to the energy work of their own life, and it was poor form to use the magick abusively in their own worlds. Not just humans but other more distant species like the larger animals have many tricks that the birds could use for their own gain. This is probably some kind of a secret. I see a finger THE FINGER coming at me.
The bird had more command, more say in matters in this magick, especially since I was a female in man magick and being wingnutted about by the men in my life. WE SEE. When the Solomonic spirits first came in, it was clear to me that some of the much-touted Masters of Wisdom of the Golden Dawn were, in fact, animals, and that it would be parochial to insist on the entire Inner School being human.
It looks like I am spending too much time on this magick blog and not enough on my writing, but I suspect in the end, some fine worlds will emerge and need to be written about. Perhaps cartooned as well.
So here I was starting my new career at $13.45 an hour — OWLS — after the lush life of Park Avenue was STRUCK and ridiculously lost for the fifth time, and it was revealed to me that Paimon can be worked with a bell, like a classic demon ONCE BOUND, but the Jews point out that there are always ANTICS when Paimon is worked like a familiar with a bell.
Immediately Dad in heaven rang a bell and I recalled that the Abramelin has a square wherein THE SPIRITS BRING MEAT, so Paimon was available to BRING MEAT. (They also bring lovers, you know.)
An awful lot of my failure in a certain milieu was the opening of the psychic centers in the presence of so much FINE FOOD. Of a truth, it was HOTELS and RESTAURANTS that were my undoing because my family had been so hungry.
Luxury is part of our world. Here I was coming at this home life from a Mormon perspective, and that is, if I can only make the most ALE perfect pickles in the neighborhood and sew up those slip covers so that they are all but professional, I will be tempered somehow for all of the heights that are only of DATE NIGHT. But that was clearly not welcome. I am going to posit that part of the astral world of the BOYFRIENDS is to be quarked out in the fancy bistros, the fine shops, and the elegant vacations that I never quite fully knew what to do with. I am a clunky non-Mormon.
Hence the incapacitation of my entrainment to modest solvency, to the kitchen garden and the home cooking, to the day job with all of its glorious POWER. It is the lead-up to the life of ambiguous magick in HOUSE. LUCIFER IS NOW IN A GRASS SKIRT INSTEAD OF PRIEST’S ROBES, but listen to the violins — the music is the same.
I AM A REAP FUND.
You are the sorcerer — we are just TARMAC WEALTHIES.
I will speak more about this in our unit on THE MIDDLE PILLAR. Solomon is what we would call it here in THELEMA and GENGHIS KHAN IS NOW IN DRUIDRY FOR SOME REASON. PORN COWS.
A dimension where the wounded get to live out their losses is an important facet of the GRAVE WORLD. It reduces the operative capacity of the magick, and is not generally allowed in the kind of expensive village witching we are now seeing in New World Sorcery of all types in which the workers can earn six figures if they can deliver. But healing the dead is THE GRAVE WORLD’s path to benevolent magick.
PAIMON himself has informed me that in AIR there are many lost causes. That is why we have THE SWORDS. A FIRE WORLD requires that you go to church and TRY. We heal much in regular GROUP WORK. Witchcraft doesn’t work as well without the governing circuit of Church. TEMPERANCE. Let’s water down that wine, POW POWs.
My father was the 4th surviving child in 15 poor children, of whom 5 of them died — OWLS — and had much hunger in his childhood. He was always a LOST CAUSE when it came to food. No one is blaming.
That was how he died. Too much really wonderful food, which is to say, Mexican food.
But it was also how he lived. After I graduated college and got a job, every Thursday for eight years Dad and I had lunch together, always Mexican food, alternating who picked up the check.
It was a great life.
Dad knew every hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant in Houston and every dish and would advise me on the LONCHES. A special favorite was the Pollo en comal — a half chicken cooked on a cast iron grill — until it was sizzling and crispy. We each had our plancha with tortillas, pico de gallo, and a bit of guacamole. I can see him there now. I keep seeing tiles and in our world that is associated with showers. Some of the dark ones have sent him to the showers of Treblinka if he wants to think, but I would rather see those tiles as the counters at Doneraki’s.
So there we were, at 3 in the morning, me with a Master’s degree and doing laundry in the graveyard shift and wiping poop — HERE WE ARE TELLING ON YOU the demons are always associated with feces — DOGS COMMUNICATE THROUGH THE SCENT OF BUTTS, SO WE ARE LEARNING — for a living after having ascended to the national level of creative writing and losing it all over A PRETTY FACE. Really, it was the KABBALAH. If you had CHANGED YOUR RELIGION TO AFRICAN, you would have kept the theatre.
Here I am going to tell on myself. The higher reaches of the theatre are Ivy League. It is a gentleman’s art. I was good but not quite on the same page as everyone else. I got in through the minority slot but it was really my father’s world that I was writing. You can do that for the bildungsroman — the earliest work of your oeuvre, but at the point of maturity, you have to write your own world, and mine is mixed race world that is not about race but spirituality, a facet of myself I had not yet dealt with. So my work was creepy in certain ways, and I will GRANT that. At the same time, WHIPPETS.
I could have altered my art if I had gone into the new work, and the more powerful and practiced members of the power tribe — including the Rokkr — would have been able to do that, but I just didn’t have that. The new magick is not yet ready and I have capacities that are better spent in bridging the chasm. I was already starting to go back into theatre in New York, and I will return to the theatre and solve the artistic problems of mid-career art, but in 2018 the theatre went dark, and THE GODS were only able to bind narrative and visual art. The cataclysmic event of the Covid pandemic was probably already in effect in OUR WORLD and I was brought home to Tacoma where THE POWER WORLD can find it.
Twenty-five years ago all of my friends in theatre were Rosicrucians, and that is how I started. Today everyone is in ATR, especially the Ivy Leaguers. This does not make the theatre ATR bad, but the immovable object is a bit tedious. Theatre is a pack world. No one goes it alone.
You never know who it is.
Here the SPIRITS BRING CHEESE. I once was lost, now I am FOUND.
A lost cause is important in demon work. Let’s say there is a person who has a vice, say, an addiction, and they cannot stop. AIR wishes to stop, but EARTH cannot. This is often a wiring in the biological mechanism, or conditions, the surrounding milieu. But there is a fundamental creativity and power that can enable that to be in the underworld when it cannot be physically. So here we have our addict, and when the demons work, that person’s wish to command himself becomes a power funding that enables someone else to avoid the substance or quit.
My father was born very poor and couldn’t arrange his health properly in regard to food in this life. If that soul had had the power of the old ones, the ancestors, the land spirits of Germany THE TROUBADOURS, he could have done differently with that enormous soul of his, and even now, those patterns can be the lemons that make lemonade: I have eaten wisely and worked out my entire life, and that power has enabled me to have the health that he wished for.
THE SOLOMONIC MAGICIAN reminds me of just how wonderful a life of Mexican food is after all that gefilte fish.
It was a life of incomparable WEALTH — AFTER ALL THAT STUPID KAVVALAH.