This is my first Hanukkah, either as a person or as a ceremonial magician. I am thus having to “bind” it like a spirit. The many Christians in the mix not only do not want it, they do not know how to “make” it.

Yet Hanukkah has conferred many gifts upon me, the principal one being Christianity.

When under advisement I first evoked Odin in a working of Solomonic magic, he required me to deal with Catholicism. I thought he meant in an adversarial sense, since the Catholic Church has killed so many witches and wizards. But he didn’t entirely.

I went to mass today. My goddess Frigg had been working with some of my childhood friends. The spirits told me years ago, “The childhood is very important.” It has only become clear that many of my childhood friends are almost as much a part of my energy as my ancestors, and that I needed to deal with them. This past weekend the relatives of a close childhood friend came in and offered a lot of guidance.

They were able to make clear that this entire business of ceremonial magic has to do with maintaining an underworld structure of the dead wherein the death gods who assist in their evolution and the life gods who assist in ours are able to work together in getting the dead to “make” for the living. This is done handily in cultures that still have witchcraft, like my Mexican heritage, but not skillfully in the Anglo Protestant culture, and that is causing many problems for me in Cabala and ceremonial magic. My childhood friend’s ancestors made very clear that they are interested in “making” for the living in beneficial and healed ways and that the only way I can facilitate this is by going all-out in Catholicism, morning, noon, and night with all of the gizmos. This way, even my Protestant ancestors will be able to function in beneficial underworld ways.

I have been coated with a toxic layer of energy that I can tell is injuring me. I have to take extraordinary measures to deal with it, baths, washes, banishments, changing my clothes, watching the provenance of the objects that I interact with. I had a devil of a time at work with some file folders because of these energy problems, and it is clear to me that this is what is going to end my life early. As I made the determination to go down that road, that layer of energy lifted from me.

The powers made clear that I cannot JUST be a Catholic. I must also work with Buddhism. If all I do is normal Western religion, the dead will become systematized in blinded ways. Yes, they will be able to “make” for the living, but they will not be able to see the wider scope of human evolution in doing so. It is the Buddhist underworld gods and powers who are able to work with the Christian dead to get them to smarten up in the way that I need to function as a demon worker.

On the way home, some of the powers who back the B.O.T.A. and Catholic demon work came to me and showed me their extreme concern for the demons. They are very important. They are fragile and need a great deal of support and the old Catholic infrastructure has that energy work in it.

Demons are mortal. The committee of ghosts who make up a demon may not be mortal in quite this way, but once a worker has “built” a demon, it can be destroyed. And since the demon is part of the worker’s energy, electromagnetic and otherwise, the destruction of a demon would have drastic and horrendous effects for the wizard, possibly death. I know in inadvertently dropping a magical item of this work I had to sit for several minutes clutching my heart the pain was so bad. That hasn’t happened since then, and I think I’m on more solid footing since then, but still. We need to know these things if we are going to pursue this work, and we don’t.

You cannot have a giant empire and pure high levels of power at the same time. It is clear to me that those who backed Paul Case ran into the same problem they always do. He was commanded to open the road; instead, he built an empire. Paul Case was a demon worker. The Liberal Catholic Church is about the demon work. The entire energy structure of the B.O.T.A. trends toward the chthonic work, it trains and moves you into it if you are able to do it, yet the “baby”–the magical structure–of it is only partly made, so you get into the same trouble Paul Case got into with the Golden Dawn, and after he was clearly saved by the old Catholic demon workers, he has arranged the B.O.T.A. so that it does not pay it forward.

The B.O.T.A. gods and powers have clearly groomed me for demon work over twenty years, but I had to leave the Order to get the job done. Now I have to play this game of working the deck right and wrong and kinda sorta hanging around in the teachings to get the information and backing, while not actually ever being sanctioned for it or trained. When someone makes progress in the direction of psychism, they are told to stop what they are doing because the astral is dangerous.

I am not going to play any more games with this organization. I know too many people who are running out the clock on their lives in the hopes that the Order will DO SOMETHING when it clearly will not.

This is a potentially fatal situation for a well-intended and hard-working practitioner.

At the same time, the absence of Enochian magic enables the old demon workers to communicate with B.O.T.A. adherents in ways that they cannot in Thelema. Enochian magicians do not have the right energy shape, and their way of working injures the gods of the ancient underworld functioning.

I am going to do the Catholic work and see how it works out.

It always needed to be a small group. A demon is very fragile and needs to heal with trusted friends.