I have been trying to get a man.

One of the weird and crazy things about Solomonic magic is that your ancestors are always hanging around and you don’t have any privacy for autoeroticism. Either that, or you realize that sex is a communal feast of energy between you and your entire family, living and dead, and all of your ex-lovers. No one makes love alone.

It is therefore expedient to refrain from sexual expression except when mating with an actual human, a feat that provides enormous power to the underworld and a similar level of discomfort in this world. Hence the need for an actual outlet, but one that is not too disruptive of the militant amount of making in a wizard’s awesomely demanding schedule.

The first time I mated after performing a cross-cultural evocation of the Solomonic love god, a male relative’s energies were bound in the form of a ghostly greenish fellow who leapt on my back and behaved very contemptuously toward my stupid need for that stuff. It was an odd experience. I suppose he had done this my entire life as a vapor, which would account for many things. It didn’t happen again, but Solomonic magicians do need to do something about the family in their sex energies. It craps things out if you’re a woman.

My Jewish ancestors have instructed me on how important it is for a great world like Judaism to strictly control the sex. You have to make sure that not only will the partner transmit the culture to the children with a severe degree of unctuousness, their ancestors will not break the underworld. Even sex without children involves a lot of cross-ancestral connection, and you have to be careful. So we are carefully scouting out my potential partners. They seem to get scarce if they’re “not quite right” in the underworld. The vetting process is exhausting.

Some of the relatives and ancestors have lodged legitimate complaints about the Jewish mandate to marry within the clan. It caused many of us to miss out on some wonderful loves, and here I am single in my fifties.

The dead don’t change in their attitudes. My ancestors did not approve of sex for women except to receive genetic material in marriage, so there are a lot of problems with my petitions for love.

I have not succeeded in resolving these problems, but I have not made very many spells. We’ll see how things develop.